Sleep hygiene with a newborn: moving beyond sleep when the baby sleeps
April 25, 2023
By: MaryJo Meier, MD
New parents know how important sleep is for their baby and for themselves, and “sleep when the baby sleeps” is age-old advice from friends and family. But is it possible to sleep when the baby sleeps? And how much sleep does the baby really need?
Pediatrician MaryJo Meier, MD, offers advice to help new parents through those early and often stressful days with a newborn.
How much sleep do babies need?
Newborns generally sleep from 16 to 18 hours a day. But Dr. Meier tells new parents not to feel tied to strict rules because newborns will sleep when they need to and what’s more important is ensuring they are feeding at regular intervals and gaining weight.
At around 4 to 6 weeks, babies will be awake for longer stretches but continue to sleep much of the time. At this age, begin to encourage the baby to self-soothe. “We want to allow the baby to settle themselves back in to sleep after they wake up,” says Dr. Meier. “Babies will squirm and fuss while they fall asleep or when they wake up. You don’t have to pick them up each time, but instead allow them a few minutes to try to settle back into sleep.”
Babies at this age are too young for a sleep schedule, but you can begin to establish more awake time during the day, talking and smiling to them or playing music to give them some stimulation. Keep the lights on during the feeding to signal that it is daytime. Then when they wake up during the night to feed, keep the lights dimmed, talk softy, and put them back into their crib after feeding and softly encourage them to go back to sleep.
At around 4 to 6 months, babies will begin to fall into a schedule and sleep for longer stretches, especially at night. Start putting the baby down for sleep at similar times of the day and night to begin to establish a routine. Continue to contrast between daytime and nighttime sleeping and to encourage longer stretches, especially at night. If the baby stirs through the night but isn’t crying, allow her to self-soothe and fall back asleep on her own.
By six months, most babies sleep 12 to 16 hours a day in a more set schedule, with longer stretches awake during the day and longer stretches asleep at night. But keep in mind that a “good sleeper” is not about how many hours of sleep a baby gets without waking, but rather describes a baby who can self-soothe and put herself back to sleep. All babies go through cycles where they are growing and need more sleep, so the schedule may vary and change over time. Be flexible but also continue to encourage self-soothing so that those longer stretches of sleep become possible.
Is “sleep when the baby sleeps” even realistic?
Although newborn babies sleep so much, it comes in short intervals, making it difficult for new moms (and dads) to get the sleep you need. Our adult bodies are not wired to sleep for short stretches, so falling asleep for an hour may not be possible no matter how tired you feel. Factor in laundry, dishes and other housework that loom in your mind and it becomes very difficult to fall asleep, especially during the day.
Dr. Meier recommends new parents focus on resting more than sleeping when the baby sleeps. “I encourage new moms to sit or lie down and rest while the baby is sleeping,” Dr. Meier says. “Try not to worry about how much sleep you are getting or missing. Rather, let your mind settle and focus on resting your body. And resist that temptation to get some work done while the baby is sleeping.”
Do not be afraid to ask for help. If you have a friend, neighbor or family member who can help you, let them do some of the housework or hold the baby when she wakes so you have more time to rest or time to take a walk outside for fresh air. Regular exercise – even if it is just a walk around the block – can help you sleep better at night.
Create good sleep hygiene for you and your baby
Just as you want to establish a good sleep routine for your baby, you should also focus on sleep hygiene – or healthy sleeping habits – for yourself. Try to establish a regular bedtime at night, when you will put the baby down and then begin your own sleep routine. As much as possible, keep phones and screens out of bedrooms.
A good bedtime routine for the baby starts with changing her and putting on a new sleeper, then nurse or give her a bottle and read a book before putting her in the crib or bassinet awake, comforting her if needed but without rocking her to sleep. It is a better long-term practice to let babies fall asleep on their own in the bed rather than holding or rocking them to sleep.
Be sure that the baby is placed on her back in the crib, with a tight-fitting sheet and without pillows or comforters in the sleeping space with them. There should be no smoking in or around the room or area where the baby sleeps. Dr. Meier recommends that babies sleep in a crib or bassinet in the room with their parents until 6 months of age, but she strongly advises against bed-sharing. Having the baby in bed with parents creates the risk of suffocation and increases the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and is strongly discouraged.
“Creating good sleep hygiene is healthy for both you and your baby. And your health is far more important than housework, so prioritize your own rest over the dishes and laundry,” says Dr. Meier. “Work to establish a good sleep routine early in your baby’s life, but always remember to give yourself grace and enjoy this very special time of your life with your baby.”
